Free Sample chapter

The Disgusting Rusty Tin

This chapter describes what actually happened to me during the sexual abuse, and how the paedophiles manipulated and threatened me physically, emotionally and psychologically. 

I explain why I felt so deeply ashamed about what took place; how they made me feel that I was wholly responsible for what happened; and why I felt compelled through crippling shame and fear to remain silent for many years.

Whilst this chapter was hugely painful to get down on paper, it was hugely rewarding to do so. Instead of being the frightened child reliving the horrendous trauma of the abuse, I am now (for the most part) the adult remembering what the child went through. 

This sense of distance and change in perspective has brought about immense healing for me. For many years, the toxic shame was such that deep down inside I loathed and despised the young Matt.

I  have released the shame that used to cripple me; I know I am not responsible for their crimes against me, and I can now honour and love the child within me who experienced the horrific abuse. 

My hope is that my story might also help you in some way to heal as well.

It’s, at times, undeniably harrowing but it is ultimately hugely uplifting and inspiring. It’s both a story of his spiritual journey and a wonderful self-help book for survivors of abuse and addiction
— Marcus Hoffman